Sunday 8th August 2010.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.  This was offered during my guest visit with Mark Jones on his BBC Wiltshire, Sunday Breakfast show.......... 

"At the start of this week, I conducted a funeral service for a woman who was only in her early sixties.  However, when I met her a month before she died, she was very clear that she didn’t want it called a funeral, she wanted a Life Celebration – because she wanted people to remember her for the woman she was, and not how she became towards the end of her long illness.  

And what a Life Celebration it was.  Over 200 people came and many had to stand outside.  No-one wore black, as requested and although tears were shed, there was also humour and wonderful memories from her family.  Afterwards at the gathering, one woman said to me “there is such a wonderful atmosphere here – everyone is feeling so uplifted” – which of course is just what had been wanted.

Maybe one of the  reasons for people feeling uplifted, was that I included the invitation to reflect on what was good in their lives; what they had to be grateful for – their families, their friends, their health – in fact, just being alive.  And a funeral, or in this case, a Life Celebration, is a very good time to do this.  It is also a good opportunity to consider if there is any unfinished business that needs sorting out – maybe with a family member or a friend – because there does comes a time when it is too late, and regrets are not good for the soul.

But often there doesn’t seem to be a moment to catch our breath.  Everyone seems to be so busy and the pace of life just seems to get ever faster.   In the words of the poet, William Henry Davies –

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

So as it’s early in the morning and many of you might still be waking up as you listen to this, perhaps today is the day “to stand and stare” – to consider everything that is good in your life and everything you are grateful for.  If you are going to a place of worship, maybe offer thankful prayers for what you have.   And I’ll leave you with this quote from the woman whose service I conducted:  “Life is precious.  If you wake up in the morning, be happy for the rest of the day”

Have a happy and inspiring day – and God Bless."

(c) Reverend Akasha Lonsdale, 2010

Sunday 23rd May 2010

MOMENT OF REFLECTION.  This was given at the end of a chat with the charming Welsh singer and presenter, Aled Jones on his BBC Radio2 Good Morning Sunday  show.

"As an Interfaith Minister, I’m often asked what religion I am, and I explain that I’m not personally aligned with any one religion, but have a deep respect for all faiths and traditions. In fact the core tenet of the Interfaith Foundation  is “Many Ways, One Truth”.

And a lot of people seem to struggle with this but during my two year training for Ministry, and subsequent research for my book, I consistently found that the core values of all the major faiths are Love, Forgiveness, Respect, Compassion, Integrity, Generosity, Humility, and Gratitude.

So why then is there frequent intolerance and conflict - surely what matters is how we treat each other. I’d like to think that whatever form prayer and worship takes - the deepening of our relationship with the Divine results in us being more open-hearted and accepting of each other.

Frequently this isn’t the case, and many people seem heavily invested in right, wrong and blame, which results in a contraction of possibilities.
 
And yet in times of major crisis, such as the London Bombings or natural disasters, we instinctively move beyond those limitations and go to the aid of those in need. I don’t recall hearing of anyone asking what religion a person was before they helped them.

After all - as Rumi, the great 13th Century Persian sage wrote: - “When you smash the jugs, the water is one”."

(c) Reverend Akasha Lonsdale, 2010

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY given when guesting on the Mark Jones show - BBC Wiltshire.  Until Saturday 20th March you can listen again to Akasha's contribution (7.45-8.30am UK time) by clicking the BBC link.

"I am always interested in how God moves in mysterious ways – and also in what comes unsought. 

Recently a client of mine said that even though he doesn’t really believe in a “higher source”, he still found himself shaking his fist heavenwards and saying “why me?” Then in contrast, a colleague who is a believer said that so much had gone wrong over the past few years, that she was beginning to have doubts. 

It reminded me too of the times when disaster strikes – whether that be a force of nature such as earthquakes or tsunamis, or generated by humans in a terrorist attack, or the untimely death of a loved one through illness.   At such times, people often ask me  “Where was God?”  “If there is a God why would he/she let this happen?” 

These are always challenging questions but the answer perhaps is more to do with what comes out of pain and disaster.   Often this is a time of more opening, more sharing.  People pull together regardless of race, colour or creed.  Families can become closer.  Old wounds can be healed.  New charities are often founded from the passion of pain and the desire to help.  People leave aside their sense of separateness to create more community.  Sometimes amazing strength comes out of diversity, and I believe that this is God’s love in action.   I try to remind myself and others that “there is never a problem without a gift for you in its hand”.  The challenge is endeavouring to see the gift at the time, but it is usually only with hindsight that this happens – if at all. 

So going back to my client and colleague, what was interesting was that “out of the blue”, I had come across some words just the day before that I was able to pass on.  Both people told me how those words had really helped – and I’d like to share them with you today.  It's titled: 

“Thoughts on Prayer……………
I asked for Strength - and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom - and God gave me problems to solve. 
I asked for Prosperity - and God gave me brain and brawn to work. 
I asked for Courage - and God gave me dangers to overcome. 
I asked for Love - and God gave me troubled people to help. 
I asked for Favours - and God gave me opportunities. 
I received nothing I wanted...and everything I needed.”

(c) Reverend Akasha Lonsdale, 2010

UNITY FROM DIFFERENCE

“These days it seems to be difficult for Christians to openly wear crosses and Muslim women to wear hijab (head coverings)”. This comment was part of an Inter-Faith meeting with two speakers, a Christian Minister and a Muslim, where the topic was Community Cohesion. My flow through thought was “What about Muslim men and beards, or Jews and the Star of David or a Kippah (skull cap), or of course a Sikhs turban?”  

My natural question is to ask “why is that difficult?” and “why should it be difficult?” The problem seems to be what each of those “symbols” represent ie: the religion of the wearer. So why should that be a problem? Well in my book, it needn’t be. What about respect for the beliefs of another whether that be in Religion or Humanism or Secularism? Surely what matters more is the relationship between one human being and another. At the heart of all sacred traditions the core values seem to be the same: love, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, truth, integrity, honesty and service. These can equally be the values of a non-believer whose aim in life is to help others and be a good person but without these being conducted under a particular “banner”.

When I commented to this effect, both speakers responded from a listening that had heard me say that Religion was the “root of all evil”. I later double-checked with someone and was assured I hadn’t. So having chosen not to pursue it further from the floor at the time, I approached the speakers individually afterwards and immediately both said they had realised as they were saying it, that it was not what I had said!   One speaker had hoped I might correct her and the other said he was so used to hearing people offer that argument that he was already on the defensive. “So you were already listening for a criticism?” I said. “Yes” was the response.   

Surely that experience is a microcosm of the bigger problem – interpretation. The tendency to listen only from our own framework, or to quote only from our belief system as if it were not only right, but the only truth.   I believe that when people of “faith” begin to speak and listen from the space of humanity – one human being to another – it really won’t matter what someone believes in or is wearing, there will just be respect for a difference in approach and a core acceptance that at a much deeper and profound level, we are all as one. As the great,13th Century Persian poet Rumi wrote, “When you crack the jugs, the water is one”.

In a disaster does a Christian stop and ask if the person with their leg hanging off is a Muslim?   Or a Muslim ask if the person is Jewish? If they did, then I truly would not believe that there is hope for the world. But evidence of such situations thankfully tell a different story.   Maybe we need more disasters to catapult us into the experience of compassion and service, where the religion of another is irrelevant. However, it would be good to think we might find a way to that path without drastic interventions. As an Interfaith Minister respecting all sacred traditions, I will continue to hold that vision in my heart.

(c) Reverend Akasha Lonsdale, 2010 

LOVE vs FEAR: TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN

When fear, hatred, desire for revenge, intolerance and anger are present – Love is missing. Fear and Love are opposites. Fear is contraction of the heart and love, expansion. With fear, possibilities are fewer and life can feel very narrow and restrictive.

LOVE
Love holds hands with Courage to overcome Fear.   Love is at the core of our being. We don’t have to find it – it is and always has been within us, tucked in the inner recesses of our Being. Sometimes the journey to “re-discover” it can seem a long one and yet there are moments when we glimpse it totally and may not even recognise it. For example:

·           Beautiful images “that lift our spirits”

·           The birth of a baby

·           Children really laughing

·           Strength in adversity

·           Being with a loved one at a special moment

·           A beautiful starlit sky

·           The unconditional generosity of another

                     And many more……….

Love is not soft and soppy. The love I refer to embraces: Honesty; Integrity;  Respect;
Open-ness;  Truth; Courage; Authenticity; Joy;  Generosity; Laughter; Stillness; Freedom; Clarity; Willingness; Sharing;  Compassion; Empathy and Tolerance.

It is a felt sense – the sense of expansion – when the heart feels full. When love is present, tenderness and strength co-exist. People may be moved to tears by its power but tears can be of joy and relief too. We may feel vulnerable but the paradox is this:

VULNERABILITY IS TRUE STRENGTH.
How can that be? Because when we are vulnerable, we are open, exposed, REAL. We are in the flow of the river of life, not swimming against it. We surrender, we fall into ourselves and within we find the Love that is there – has always been there – the eternally burning light. The light that is. The light that will never go out – no matter how dark life sometimes gets. It is said that the “darkest hour is just before dawn” – many times though, great insights and change come after a “dark night of the soul”.

DRAMAS AND TRAUMA’s
It is as if we create the dramas and traumas in life to challenge us to look within and begin taking us back to that place we know. A time of “re-membering”, “re-joicing”. The parting of the 70,000 veils – to reveal the inner treasure – LOVE. No judgements, no criticisms, no anger, no bitterness, no recriminations. Just Love, all embracing, all encompassing, all knowing, never ending Love. Love that cradles us like a parent with a new-born child. Love that holds us in our pain. Love that sometimes creates the pain so that we may grow. Love that wraps around us like a beautiful cloak.

SELF-  AWARENESS
As you journey with yourself, get to know yourself better, be kinder to yourself, more open, more generous, tolerant, compassionate with yourself, so you become that way with others. It is a natural evolutionary process. “As ye sow, so shall ye reap”.   Through this process barriers can be broken down, conflict resolved and communication become authentic. Win/Win is possible when Right/Wrong are not part of the equation.

THE SHADOW
When we point the finger at others, when we label them Bad or Evil…..it is we who have missed the point. By focusing outwards on how others seem to be, we don’t look within. We don’t acknowledge the shadow parts of us. The parts that can be spiteful, vengeful, angry, dismissive, shut down, rejecting. We like to think that we would never behave like “they” have behaved. But….there is always a potential killer in us. A mother to protect her child is a classic example.

Often we dress our shadow in a mantle of self-righteousness and self justification. Worse, we just believe that we are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT and all views opposed to ours are WRONG and BAD. Then Love is lost and we are in a contracted place.

KNOW THYSELF
These are turbulent and frightening times…..but as with all adversity it contains the opportunity for all of us to learn and grow. Take time to look at yourself. “Know Thyself” said the Oracle at  Delphi. Ancient Wisdom that is even more important in our modern world. There are many ways to do this but the journey starts when the intention is set, and I like to believe that every step to inner peace is another step towards world peace.  

(c) Reverend Akasha Lonsdale, 2010  

Sunday 6th January 2008

THE POWER OF LOVE

BBC POINTS WEST - TOM BURRIDGE TALKS TO REVEREND LONSDALE

Just over a week ago, I was asked to conduct the funeral of an 83 year old lady who had seemingly died with no friends or family. She had lived in a care home for the past 5 years and received no visitors within that time.

Wanting to find out what I could in order to prepare her service, I visited the care home to collect an old photograph they had. They confirmed that as far as they knew, she had no friends or family.

The photograph was of a radiant and rather beautiful young woman in her early twenties. Someone with almost Hollywood glamour looks. I was really taken with the thought of how she had come to end her life like this. What of all her hopes, dreams and aspirations? What had led her to be in this position, with no visitors for 5 years.

I also felt very sad that the ending of a long life would be marked by only myself and a funeral director. So having established that she had lived in the Swindon area for most of her life, I thought that surely someone must have known her and perhaps there were some family too. My next step was the local newspaper, who ran the story as their front page on the 2nd January.

From that point, it took off like the proverbial "wildfire" and since then has been covered by all the major national press, local BBC TV, local and national BBC Radio - with interest shown for exclusive coverage by a major commercial TV network.

As a result, the response from the public has been phenomenal. 100's of phone calls and emails from all over the world. The story of this lonely soul, dubbed "Eleanor Rigby" by the press, has touched the hearts of everyone. Donations have been offered, flowers are being sent and a number of people have expressed their desire to attend the funeral to ensure that she is not alone as her physical forms leaves this earth.

People who had known her over the years, also came forward with information and memories. Many of those have expressed the desire to be at her service. Then finally, some family members also contacted me, having read the story in one of the national papers. What I was looking to achieve, was achieved.

At this point, I was still being contacted by the media wanting to know if any family members had come forward. Everyone was looking for a happy ending to this heartwarming story. However, the family decided that they did not want to have any involvement with the media and the funeral plans were all changed. Latterly, Olive was buried but instead of "nobody coming", there were around 20 people who were a mix of family who had lost touch, those who had worked with her or known her in earlier life, a few who hadn't known her at all....... and the media.

Despite the family's desire to keep the location a secret, various members of the press did turn up and were very respectful. The coverage of Olive's final journey was very respectful, and reported with sensitivity.

You can read some of the final stories by following these links.

The Sun - 15th January 2008

Daily Telegraph, 15th January 2008

THE BIGGER PICTURE

BBC WORLD SERVICE - FRED DOVE TALKS TO REVEREND LONSDALE

What is important here though is something so much bigger. The story of this lonely lady touched so many people for a number of reasons. Many said that they would hate to think of no-one being at their funeral. Many had been to funerals where there were only a handful of mourners. At some level it reminds us all of our own mortality, and no-one likes to think of dying alone.

And then there is the wider social issue of how we treat our elderly people. This lady is one of thousands whose last years are spent alone in care homes waiting to die. Out of sight, out of mind and yet each one of them, providing they are not experiencing dementia, has a story to tell - and usually an interesting one too. All they need is someone interested enough to listen.

My grandmother was nearly 102 when she died and I spent many hours asking her about her life and the family. Consequently, I have wonderful information about an era I would otherwise have known very little about.

Most elderly people need company and I think that it's up to each and every one of us, to take some responsibility to see that this happens in some way. I don't profess to have all the answers by any means, but what I do know is that having been deeply touched by the love and generosity that has been expressed, I will be looking for more ways to contribute, in the desire to raise awareness of this ever-growing problem.

Maybe, I too have a level of self-interest because as part of the "baby boomer" years it is predicted that we will be going to live longer than before, and in years to come it could be me .......... or it could be you.

Perhaps now is the time for us all to be considering how we can make a difference. As this story has shown, one small pebble creates phenomenal ripples.

Here are some useful places to start:

www.ageconcern.org.uk

www.helptheaged.org.uk

BBC WORLD SERVICE - FRED DOVE TALKS TO REVEREND LONSDALE

Love and blessings to you all,

Akasha

PS: If you have been inspired, touched or moved by this posting - please pass it on to your friends, family or colleagues.

FOR INFORMATION ON WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE DIES - AND DETAILS OF ALL CEREMONIES OFFERED BY REVEREND LONSDALE, PLEASE VISIT: www.simplydivineceremonies.com

If you'd like to create your own list of funeral wishes, music, poems etc. then visit the excellent site:
My Last Song.com

 If you would like to contact me, my e-mail address is akasha@simplydivineceremonies.com